How To Do Life Nugget:
Take 100% response-ability for your own choices and avoid passing on the blame to someone or something else.
Many people would say they feel better when they are in control. What if the defintion of "control" were conscious choice? If that were true, then a How to do Life practice would be: get conscious. Begin seeing things as they are, not seeing them as you want them to be or believe them to be.
A good place to start is accepting that you have 100% responsibility for the choices you make. What you imagine, feel, think and do directly affects the outcomes you earn in life. Eliminate "yes buts" from your vocabulary. There are no "yes buts" in the land of total responsibility. You either accept 100% responsibility or not. If you do not, then there's always room for blame.
To demonstrate that you are the initiator of your experience, consider this formula. (Event + Interpretation + Response = Outcome). Events happen. Your mind registers an interpretation based on how you see things influenced by your experiences, opinions and prejudices.
Change your interpretation or your response, not the event to get a different outcome. Think about the people in your life. How often do you hear comments like, "I could do better but my ______(parents, friends, co-workers, steady) don't understand me." "I didn't make the team or get a position because I'm too this or not enough of that. "I'm miserable, my boyfriend or girlfriend or mate doesn't give me what I want”. Don’t blame the "E"! Attempting to change someone rarely works and always expends precious energy. Events will keep on happening--it's your interpretations and responses to them that will deliver a different outcome.
Beware of "Red Flags”: "They made me do it." "If it weren't for....I would have." "I couldn't help it, I didn't have a choice". Blaming and complaining are abdicators of responsibility. Blame is seductive; it FEELS like action, but it is not the right action because you are not putting your efforts where they will do the most good. Blame focuses on others. You don't have control over others; you have command only of yourself.
Fact is you have a choice. If a gunman entered your house and pointed a gun at your head demanding you shoot one of your family, could he make you do it? Most likely, not. Can others make you do anything? You may choose a response because you don't like the consequence of another choice; but consider this, choosing the alternative is also your choice. The exception of this is little children who do not have the skills and knowledge to fight back an aductor or abuser.
Nana says you have an ability to respond. How you use that reponse-ability creates the life you lead. You are not a victim; you have the power of your choice.
Ask Nana a question: http://dear-nana-says-column.blogspot.com
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